fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
