I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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