I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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