Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
