She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
