my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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