I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Two words: nipple clamps
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