this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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