Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
