I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
