just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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