David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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