you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
