Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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