it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
