I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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