I will die if light touches me.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
