Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We need to get me chipped asap
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
