Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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