there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
