I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
