There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
