She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
