These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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