My hair reeks of homosexuality.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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