2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
