If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
