We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
