Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
