You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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