this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
