You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
