you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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