You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
