"it" just moved
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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