Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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