Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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