Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
