You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
