Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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