if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
not ubering you a puppy
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
