Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
