i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
