I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
