Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Drake has all the answers
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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