You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
