for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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