At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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