I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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