just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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