I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
