Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
